Fast

Enough is enough. I have been thoroughly enjoying the fruits of the summer. Literally. Cherries, peaches, plums, pears, pineapple, coconuts, bananas, strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, and grapes. I have started running more again, but am currently injured again. I keep active and eat when I am hungry, almost exclusively choosing raw foods, but apparently, I'm eating more than I am expending. The scale has been climbing gradually since last summer and I've now gained about 10 pounds since this time last year. Not cool.

It's not even that number on the scale that bothers me so much. I know that water weight and muscle mass can affect weight. It's when I can't fit into most of my clothes that I know it's not just some insensible variable contributing to my increased BMI. It's fat. I've gained weight. Yes, I still look good (not great). I'm not hideous. My husband still thinks I'm hot. But all those things don't matter because I am not happy with the way I look or feel and I intend to do something about it. Because let's face it, if I'm not happy with myself, no one else's opinion is going to change that.

Thursday, August 5: Didn't eat dinner, was not feeling well. Nausea, headache, fatigue. Only had watermelon. Felt a little better at bedtime, had some homemade dehydrated BBQ chips and a dark beer.

Friday, August 6: Morning weight at an all-time high since I've been a runner, 132. Time to panic. Immediately starting that juice feast I've been meaning to initiate for some time now. Did not eat any food all day. Had 3 cups of coffee with stevia during the day and 1 can of coconut water for dinner.

Saturday, August 7: Had one cup of coffee with stevia and 1 can of Mona Vie energy drink before running in a 5K race with an injured ankle (feels like dual peroneal tendonitis of the right foot). Didn't expect to be able to run at all, but finished the race in 25:35. Crappy time for the healthy me. Acceptable for the overweight and impaired me. Had 32 ounces of spinach, strawberry and pineapple juice for lunch. Consumed 2 cups of coffee mid-afternoon. For dinner, I had a can of coconut juice. At bedtime, enjoyed about 4 ounces of Barefoot Moscato.

Sunday, August 8: 2 cups of coffee with stevia. Lunchtime: 1 large bowl of "Gourmet Energy Soup" (golden delicious apple, avocado, dulse leaves, pine nuts and water blended together). Weight this morning was 127.6 without clothes. I'm sure it's over 128 now after eating the soup. You'd think after 3 days with virtually nothing to eat, the pounds would be melting off. No. I tried to put on a pair of capri pants this morning and they were too uncomfortably tight to get over my hips and thighs. I still have a ways to go...

122 would be acceptable. 120 would be comfortable. 118 would be awesomeness. But even more important than the scale are the numbers on the tape measure. I don't even want to know what they are right now. But I'd like to see my waist at 25-26 and my hips at 35-36. That is where I am most comfortable and happy. That is where I feel like my outside reflects my inside.

I am going to continue my fast, refraining from solid food and ingesting some blended foods and lots of juice along with other beverages. I know that the alcohol and caffeine are not the most healthy things I could be ingesting. But I don't think they are going to significantly contribute to weight gain at this point. Right now it's all about cleaning house. Getting rid of extra weight, toxins, all the junk that's literally weighing me down. I want to have a healthy body, a healthy self-image and once and for all heal from this nagging ankle injury that's keeping me from running. I am giving up solid food for a time. I am relinquishing something I enjoy: eating. I am doing so because I know that in order to make gains, sometimes one has to let go of something. I want to fast right now so that I can be restored and renewed. I envision my slightly smaller healthy body and my athleticism returning. I look forward to regaining my strength and stamina. By fasting, I will become fast. Again.

And that will make me very happy. :)