I have degrees in music, nursing, childbirth education and web design. I love to run, exercise, dance, garden, create art, travel, read, relax, do yoga, eat healthy, explore spirituality, and be around animals/nature. There are not enough hours in the day to pursue all of my interests and I often find it difficult to focus on one for any particular length of time. My life involves a great deal of multitasking, often due to sheer necessity. But, what if I could focus on one thing that would bring me the most satisfaction? That one thing in which I could find success and fulfillment? The most compelling interest that I could pursue? What would that be? I was recently asked that if I had to choose the one area of interest that would be my favorite. The answer was quick and effortless. Without hesitation, I said, "Music."
If there is one thing that I am most devotedly passionate about, it is music. It is the complex union of rhythm, melody, spirituality, poetry, art and dance that paints an auditory picture that evokes a deep, emotional, soular response. Music allows me to most accurately express those introspective thoughts and feelings I have in my heart and also allows me to experience others' thoughts and feelings in that same unique and powerful way.
When I got my degree in music, which is something I always knew I wanted to pursue, my husband (and I'm sure others as well) felt that it was just a "hobby" and a "wasted degree" since it wouldn't generate a steady income unless I were to be a dedicated teacher, which is something I did not want to do. I majored in music performance in flute and voice. Music is my passion. It is my calling; my vocation. Although I enjoy having nice things in life, living in a beautiful home and having the ability to buy just about anything I want (within reason), I would be equally content living in a one room apartment so long as I were able to make music and live out my ambition.
Being a musician is not exactly conducive to life when you have four children, a home, a husband and several miscellaneous pets to care for. You can't just sit at the piano (if you are lucky enough to actually have a piano) all day and allow the spirit to channel inspiration through you and create amazing harmonies and insightful lyrics. In fact, one may rarely even have the time to be inspired at all amidst the chaos.
I became a runner about four years ago. I enjoy being physically active and pushing myself to my limits. But, perhaps one of the best things about running is the time I get away from home, out in nature, by myself, and the ability to listen to my iPod. I absolutely love filling my ears with my favorite music and drowning out the noise of the world around me while I move my body to the beat. It reminds me of growing up and the hours upon hours I would spent holed up in my bedroom listening to music. Music has always been my refuge. I need to surround myself with music and be one with it. It is who I am and where I feel most complete and at home. Heaven must be absolutely filled with music. Good music.
I have never been a stellar musician. For one, I never put the amount of time practicing as I should have. Too many other interests and distractions got in the way. The other part is the fact that I married at age 19 and had my first child at age 21. My family demanded my attention and that is where it needed to be. I had my youngest child just six years ago. He just started school last year and is still far from being independent. Parenting still demands a great deal of time and attention. Devoting myself to my "hobby" simply isn't an option. I always imagine that "some day" I will have the time to devote to writing and performing music, but wonder if, realistically, "some day" will ever come.
I recently had an opportunity which reignited the flame of musical passion within me. I had the rare and extraordinary blessing of having my favorite band, Family Force 5, come to my home for the day. The band was raising money for an upcoming album and there were a few options available to host a "house party" for a larger (although no where near as much as you'd expect it would be) donation amount. I contemplated for about 24 hours before deciding that it was far too great an opportunity to let pass. I couldn't take that chance, so I pledged for an acoustic house party. The conditions stated that the band would come to your house to perform an acoustic set and that you couldn't invite more than 50 people or charge admission. Well, I don't even know 50 people and why would I invite anyone else who might be a distraction from getting to enjoy time with my musical idols? I wasn't going to share them with anyone if I didn't have to.
Two months before the house party, I had another very unique opportunity with my favorite band. They had another pledge drive to raise money to produce a music video. Those who pledged money for the video would also be able to be in the video. I chose to be a "biter" in their "Zombie" video. The shoot took place on the night of May 12, 2012 in downtown Columbus, Ohio. It was a really, really long night. My scene wasn't even shot until almost 4:00am. I got to eat dinner with the band beforehand (since I was one of the V.I.Z.'s) so they got to know me a little. They said I was one of the scariest looking zombies, so that helped to create a bit of an impression. In my "scene," I got to infect the lead guitarist, Derek, with the zombie virus by biting his arm. That was fun. The next evening, they had a "Zombie Wrap Concert" and I got to spend more time talking with the band after the concert. Family Force 5 are not only extremely creative, versatile and talented, but are probably the most accessible band I have ever met.
Since Family Force 5 left, I have felt an emptiness; a sadness; a hunger. Maybe it's because I no longer have something with such magnitude to look forward to. Maybe it's because it was such a joy to be around them and now they're gone. I should be basking in the glow of the memories we created, but instead I'm trying to find a way that I can be close to them again. They are electric. Being around them made me feel so much more alive. It made me want to focus on my music again. It reminded me why I chose to be a musician in the first place.
It's time to turn the focus back to music. I have written two new songs in the last few months ("Disconnected" and "5") and I already have a title for my next album: "Into the Blue." I would like to create a couple of dance-able songs, if possible. I'm not sure I have it in me, but I am going to do my best to make it happen. I certainly have been blessed with some great sources of inspiration. With the help of God and my muses, anything is possible. I am praying that this new-found inspiration will guide me physically, musically, and spiritually to a place where I no longer feel empty, but complete; no longer sad, but joyful; no longer hungry, but satiated. And as always, I pray that whatever I do may be not for my own glory, but for the glory of God.
(I Cor 10:31)
