Into the Blue

I have degrees in music, nursing, childbirth education and web design.  I love to run, exercise, dance, garden, create art, travel, read, relax, do yoga, eat healthy, explore spirituality, and be around animals/nature.  There are not enough hours in the day to pursue all of my interests and I often find it difficult to focus on one for any particular length of time.  My life involves a great deal of multitasking, often due to sheer necessity.  But, what if I could focus on one thing that would bring me the most satisfaction?  That one thing in which I could find success and fulfillment?  The most compelling interest that I could pursue? What would that be?  I was recently asked that if I had to choose the one area of interest that would be my favorite.  The answer was quick and effortless.  Without hesitation, I said, "Music."

If there is one thing that I am most devotedly passionate about, it is music.  It is the complex union of rhythm, melody, spirituality, poetry, art and dance that paints an auditory picture that evokes a deep, emotional, soular response.  Music allows me to most accurately express those introspective thoughts and feelings I have in my heart and also allows me to experience others' thoughts and feelings in that same unique and powerful way.

When I got my degree in music, which is something I always knew I wanted to pursue, my husband (and I'm sure others as well) felt that it was just a "hobby" and a "wasted degree" since it wouldn't generate a steady income unless I were to be a dedicated teacher, which is something I did not want to do.  I majored in music performance in flute and voice.  Music is my passion.  It is my calling; my vocation.  Although I enjoy having nice things in life, living in a beautiful home and having the ability to buy just about anything I want (within reason), I would be equally content living in a one room apartment so long as I were able to make music and live out my ambition.

Being a musician is not exactly conducive to life when you have four children, a home, a husband and several miscellaneous pets to care for.  You can't just sit at the piano (if you are lucky enough to actually have a piano) all day and allow the spirit to channel inspiration through you and create amazing harmonies and insightful lyrics.  In fact, one may rarely even have the time to be inspired at all amidst the chaos. 

I became a runner about four years ago.  I enjoy being physically active and pushing myself to my limits.  But, perhaps one of the best things about running is the time I get away from home, out in nature, by myself, and the ability to listen to my iPod.  I absolutely love filling my ears with my favorite music and drowning out the noise of the world around me while I move my body to the beat.  It reminds me of growing up and the hours upon hours I would spent holed up in my bedroom listening to music.  Music has always been my refuge.  I need to surround myself with music and be one with it.  It is who I am and where I feel most complete and at home.  Heaven must be absolutely filled with music.  Good music.

I have never been a stellar musician.  For one, I never put the amount of time practicing as I should have.  Too many other interests and distractions got in the way.  The other part is the fact that I married at age 19 and had my first child at age 21.  My family demanded my attention and that is where it needed to be.  I had my youngest child just six years ago.  He just started school last year and is still far from being independent.   Parenting still demands a great deal of time and attention.  Devoting myself to my "hobby" simply isn't an option.  I always imagine that "some day" I will have the time to devote to writing and performing music, but wonder if, realistically, "some day" will ever come.

I recently had an opportunity which reignited the flame of musical passion within me.  I had the rare and extraordinary blessing of having my favorite band, Family Force 5, come to my home for the day.  The band was raising money for an upcoming album and there were a few options available to host a "house party" for a larger (although no where near as much as you'd expect it would be) donation amount.  I contemplated for about 24 hours before deciding that it was far too great an opportunity to let pass.  I couldn't take that chance, so I pledged for an acoustic house party.  The conditions stated that the band would come to your house to perform an acoustic set and that you couldn't invite more than 50 people or charge admission.  Well, I don't even know 50 people and why would I invite anyone else who might be a distraction from getting to enjoy time with my musical idols?  I wasn't going to share them with anyone if I didn't have to.  

Two months before the house party, I had another very unique opportunity with my favorite band.  They had another pledge drive to raise money to produce a music video. Those who pledged money for the video would also be able to be in the video.  I chose to be a "biter" in their "Zombie" video.  The shoot took place on the night of May 12, 2012 in downtown Columbus, Ohio.  It was a really, really long night.  My scene wasn't even shot until almost 4:00am.  I got to eat dinner with the band beforehand (since I was one of the V.I.Z.'s) so they got to know me a little.  They said I was one of the scariest looking zombies, so that helped to create a bit of an impression.   In my "scene," I got to infect the lead guitarist, Derek, with the zombie virus by biting his arm.  That was fun.  The next evening, they had a "Zombie Wrap Concert" and I got to spend more time talking with the band after the concert.  Family Force 5 are not only extremely creative, versatile and talented, but are probably the most accessible band I have ever met.

The day of the house party was pretty jam-packed.  We picked the guys up from their bus, which was parked at the mall about four miles away, at about 3:15pm.  It took two trips to bring everyone and their instruments back to the house.  Along with the five band members, their merch girl, Danielle, and their friend/video director Isaac Deitz also came along.  I was so blessed that Isaac got to come since he was the one who directed the "Zombie" video and also many of the band's other videos along with their incredible cult classic YouTube series, "Really Real Show."  We chilled/talked for about half an hour before diving right into a little Rock Band 3.  We did a couple of songs and the band did one song (their own song, "Radiator," on which we scored higher than they did).  I then started working on dinner -- porterhouse steak for 12!  I wanted to make them a high quality home-cooked meal that was something they couldn't get on the road.  Unfortunately, the steaks were a bit overdone, but I've never made so many before.  We had a wonderful meal and conversation to match.  Everyone was very polite and complimentary.  Derek and Danielle even raved about my kale chips.  Isaac and Derek played basketball with my youngest children for a while before we ventured off for a boat ride.  All the adults (9 of us) took a pontoon boat ride down the Kawkawlin River and into the Saginaw Bay and then up the Saginaw River to our marina.  We enjoyed snacks, beverages and music together and Soli (the lead singer) even drove the boat for a while.  As soon as we got back to the house, we head to the patio and lit a bonfire.  They guys quickly set up their instruments and played some of their songs for us: Kountry Gentleman, Supersonic, You Got It, Radiator, Zombie, Keep the Party Alive, and Love Addict.  My son Patrick joined them on his cajon.  After they finished their set, I played and sang a song that I had written for them, "5."  I messed it up in a few spots, but I sent a CD with them that had a good version on it.  They gave me a big round of applause and many (undeserved) compliments.  We loaded up their equipment, took a few photos in front of the fireplace and drove them back to their bus around 10:20pm.  We got to hang out in the bus for a little while and see Xanadu (John Varnadoe) and Buzz (Chuck) who had stayed behind on the bus.  As we were driving back home, the guys were walking across the parking lot and busy street to Wal-Mart, so we picked them back up and dropped them off at the front door to Wal-Mart.  That was the last I saw them and the end to a day that I never wanted to end and will never forget.

Since Family Force 5 left, I have felt an emptiness; a sadness; a hunger.  Maybe it's because I no longer have something with such magnitude to look forward to.  Maybe it's because it was such a joy to be around them and now they're gone.  I should be basking in the glow of the memories we created, but instead I'm trying to find a way that I can be close to them again.  They are electric.  Being around them made me feel so much more alive.  It made me want to focus on my music again.  It reminded me why I chose to be a musician in the first place.

It's time to turn the focus back to music.  I have written two new songs in the last few months ("Disconnected" and "5") and I already have a title for my next album:  "Into the Blue."  I would like to create a couple of dance-able songs, if possible.  I'm not sure I have it in me, but I am going to do my best to make it happen.  I certainly have been blessed with some great sources of inspiration.  With the help of God and my muses, anything is possible.  I am praying that this new-found inspiration will guide me physically, musically, and spiritually to a place where I no longer feel empty, but complete; no longer sad, but joyful; no longer hungry, but satiated.  And as always, I pray that whatever I do may be not for my own glory, but for the glory of God. 
(I Cor 10:31)